Blu Martini

"Daddy always says, 'an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.'" Shelby Eatenton Latcherie

pre·ten·sion
Pronunciation: \pri-'ten(t)-shun\
Function: noun
Date: 15th century
1: an allegation of doubtful value
2: a claim or an effort to establish a claim
3: a claim or right to attention or honor because of merit
4: an aspiration or intention that may or may not reach fulfillment

I'm not sure where to go with this. I really want to write a scathing review about Blu Martini, but what I dislike about the place has absolutely nothing to do with the staff, the decor, the food, the drinks or the location. Okay, let's try this:

This past Thursday Blanche, our buddy Ennis and I all went to Blu Martini. The bar is located on the northside of Indianapolis. It sits at the end of a strip mall, and the exterior does a fab job of hiding what's actually inside. The decor is modern minimal with white (p)leather chairs that remind me of the shape of martini and highball glasses. Given the name of the bar, it's only appropriate that the owners chose to provide back lighting in blue. The lighting lends to an overall atmosphere of flattering light for the made-up, garishly dressed, stretched, stitched, filled, plumped and botoxed.

As the picture provided would indicate, the bar is fully stocked with most top-shelf liquors. As the name also indicates, the bar does specialize in a wide variety of martinis. This visit being my first, I decided to sample the namesake offering, the Blu(e) Martini. The Blu Martini is a martini in name only. It's actually made from Jose Classico tequila, blue curacao and lemon zest. It's full-bodied, not too sweet and with three you get tingle. This is not a picture of a Blu Martini Blu Martini:
The average cost of a martini is $6, but the VIPtinis can go as high as $18.

The owners have decided to provide a food-based happy hour during the week and as a result, sushi is half-price from 5:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. The only downside to the offering is the fact that most people arrive early with drinking intentions and at the last minute decide to order half-priced sushi. As a result, if you wait until 6:45 to place your order, you'll need to expect to wait at least half an hour for your food to arrive. If you're enjoying a leisurely evening, you'll be fine, but if you get there hungry, you'll be disappointed; our server (who bore an unCANNY resemblance to Lucy Liu) advised us that the sushi chef was overwhelmed. Maybe they should hire some Mexicans to help him roll and kick the orders out faster. Blanche and I both selected the Blu Martini sushi appetizer. It's 8 large pieces of crabmeat, cream cheese, avacado, cucumber and spicy sauce. It was tasty and didn't require much wasabi or soy sauce. I was perfectly content with the pickled ginger, there just wasn't enough. This offering is normally $12, but we took advantage of the half-price special...for the mathematically challenged, that means it was $6. This is actually a picture of a sampler, but the rolls in the middle are the Blu Marti sushi:
The presentation was beautiful, but given how busy the sushi chef was, the preparation suffered. The rolls were not wrapped as tightly as I would have preferred and as a result, they fell apart as I tried to eat them. This won't prevent me from eating there again, just offering that as an observation.

Now on to the entertainment. When I go to a bar, I take into consideration the type of entertainment that will be available. I know that I can find karaoke most nights of the week; I know that on some nights, I'll find drag queens and on others, strippers. Sometimes, I'll even look for live bands or guest DJs. At Blu Martini, what I found most entertaining were the patrons. I think this was the first time I'd been to a bar on the far northside of Indy.

What I found were about 300 people basking in the glow of their own fabulousness. I'd say the average age was about 38. They were plucked, preened, bronzed, buffed and tucked. A few of the men wore expensive but poorly tailored suits...if you're going to invest in an Armani, at least make sure it fits properly, people! Most men seemed to be wearing jeans and I saw Lucky, True Religion, Calvin Klein, Perry Ellis and even a pair of Eddie Bauer *gasp*. I saw a lot of vintage tees, some cute sweaters and the ever-popular, jacket/dress shirt combo. Most of the guys did a pretty good job of dressing age-appropriate and really just maintained while they were there.

The women, on the other hand...oy vey! I saw every extreme imaginable in color, height and heft. And I'm just talking about hair. No offense to any of my girls reading this, but sincerely...what do str8 women think when they're getting ready for a night out? Glitter mascara? Fringed jean skirts? Leg warmers? Sequined tops and jeans? My favorite look of the night (and I SWEAR I wish I had a picture of this) was as follows: Black long sleeve t-shirt...dark wash, frayed denim mini...black tights...and a pair of furry ankle boots. Imagine taking two white Lhasa Apsos, shoving a foot up the ass of each and walking around with them on your feet and you can kinda get the image.
She thought she was the shit, but all I could do was giggle and feel bad for those poor puppies each time she walked by...she walked by a LOT!

If you ever go to Indy.com, you'll see several pictures from Blu Martini. The Party Crasher photographer was there (in all his tacky, Tommy Bahama-clad glory...Tommy Bahama, the muu-muu for men), but wanted absolutely nothing to do with us. It was entertaining to watch Blanche and Ennis sit up in their chairs and engage each other in conversation in an attempt to look interesting and approachable to "get they pitcha took," but it was to no avail. The photographer walked in front of, behind, around and over our little group to snap the photos of the entitled surrounding us.

The highlight of the evening for me was seeing a Carmel mom primping for the Party Crasher. She was holding a glass of chardonnay and dropped it while flipping her hair. When it hit the ground, she looked at us. We didn't blink or give two shits, but she felt compelled to engage us in conversation..."you didn't even LOOK when I dropped that! What's wrong with you? I did it on purpose, by the way...I'm Jewish, we smash glasses like that." Oh, the plight of the Carmel mom...so misunderstood, undersatisfied and attention starved. Again, makes me giggle.

So, I really did enjoy my time at Blu Martini. I love the decor and the atmosphere. The food is tasty and I'll definitely try other menu offerings on future visits. The martinis, while pricey, give you bang for your buck. The staff are friendly enough and as attentive as they can be given the crowd. Last but not least, I have an appreciation for a good floor show with dinner and drinks, and the patrons definitely provided that; and at no cost to the owners! Bravo!



Blu Martini
4705 East 96th Street
(96th & Gray Road)
Indianapolis, IN 46240
317.566.8650

India Garden (Downtown)

Growing up I was always told I was a picky eater. When I went to college and sampled the many foods the world offered outside of red meat and a side dish of a potato, I realized I was not a picky eater I just didn't always care for meat and potatoes. I love Indian food and when Romeo offered up the Indian Garden as a meal destination I immediately said yes.

The Indian Garden has been one of "Indy's Best" for every year it has been open, according to Nuvo. I whole heatedly agree. The moment you walk in you are greeted by friendly and attentive staff. Though I have been to the India Garden on several occasions this is my first in their new location. When it was over on Illinois and I worked downtown we would fast a day before and go to the lunch buffet and binge with very little purging. They have two locations here in Indianapolis one downtown (obviously) and one in Broad Ripple. Both with the same high quality food and service.

One of the many things I like about the India Garden is that it is always clean. The digs are very nice, larger than their previous location and I am sure it comes in handy with the lunch crowd. One of the more popular destinations of the downtown lunch crowd and a reason I miss working in that area.

Ok let's talk food. I went with Romeo, Xena, and Coltin. When we arrived we ordered a few appetizers, the Vegetable Pakora and Paneer Pakora. Vegetable Pakora is chopped veggies batter dipped and deep fried. On the menu it is described as a fritter, with the plum sauce it is very good. Paneer Pakora is in essence fried cheese sticks, the difference it that it's homemade cheese (very good) in a chic pea batter. This isn't the kind of cheese stick one would get at White Castle at 3am after a night of heavy drinking, not that I have ever done anything remotely like that. Anyway, I could have had just that for dinner and been good, but why when there is so many other things to eat. For the main course I ordered the Chicken Tikka Masala. The menu describes it as "Oven-baked diced chicken cooked in a creamy sauce with fresh tomatoes and oriental spices". If you like Tikka Masala, and who doesn't really, this is some of the best I have had. Romeo ordered Chicken Vindaloo it's chicken and potatoes in a curry sauce. I tried some it was very good. Xena had the Chicken Shahi Korma, which is chicken cooked in creamy sauce with mild spices and sprinkled with nuts. I didn't get any of hers but I have had it before and again so very good. Coltin had the Shrimp Tikka Masala, pretty much what I had but with shrimp not chicken.

When ordering Indian food you are usually asked on a scale of 1-10 how spicy you want the food. With us obviously not being from India, our food was probably prepared on the, as Xena would put it, Gringo chart. Which pretty much means a 10 for us is still just a 6 for natives.I, not having Tums at home, ordered a mild 5. I love spicy food, however my stomach does not. When I have the proper medication at home I will be adventurous and go to the 8-9 route. Oh I almost forgot one of my favorite parts the Naan. Mmmmmmm... Naan... auchgle (drooling a la Homer Simpson.) Wiping the saliva off. Naan is a flat bread and of course we got the Garlic Naan. Whatever you get there always get the Naan.

I have never had a bad experience here. The wait staff is friendly and do a great job. The food is very authentic Indian cuisine, when you know people who grew up in India and they go there to eat that is what I call a good sign.

Of course with this evenings binging under... over... stretching my belt? I will be dropping in the Biggest Loser standings. I do blame my discovery of a world of food for my expanding waistline. When I was in high school I was borderline anorexic. Damn you tasty tasty food.


Downtown Location
207 North Delaware St,
Indianapolis, IN 46204
TEL : 317-634-6060
FAX : 317-634-2160

Broad Ripple Location
830 Broad Ripple Ave,
Indianapolis, IN 46220
TEL : 317-253-6060
FAX : 317-253-2832
www.indiagardenindy.com

St. Elmo's Steakhouse

For my first Mean Girl's Review, I am going with St. Elmo's Steakhouse, which is an Indianapolis institution. It has been around since 1902, and when it came time to build what is now Circle Center Mall, instead of closing and moving the restaurant, they actually built the mall AROUND it, and it stayed open while everything above the first floor was built into the new mall structure.

This is the second time I have eaten at St. Elmo's, but the first time was for a work dinner for 100 people. So, I didn't feel that eating the equivalent of a banquet style meal there was a great example of what the restaurant can do. I will also write this with the caveat that I am not that much of a red meat eater. So, the entree that this restaurant is known best for, is not something I'm going to order if there is a choice.

Tonight, we are eating there to celebrate the birthday of three of my friends, and since this restaurant is not cheap, I am happy that we are there at the end of the winter restaurant week in downtown that offers a $30, three course Prix Fixe menu, which basically gives you limited options so that you can sample the menu in hope that you'll come back and pay full price for something. It is one of those great ideas, that I really wish I took advantage of more, but at least they do it twice a year.

The first thing you'll notice about St. Elmo's is the bar. It is the length of the restaurant, and it is one of those gigantic, dark wood bars that you know mobsters probably hit behind in a great shoot out. The next thing you will notice is that they have packed a table into every nook and cranny to make sure they get as many people in as possible. Obviously, this is not a place to go if you want an intimate dinner for two. Indeed, our table of 7 was sat, I kid you not, less than a foot from another couple. They easily could have been a part of our conversation. All in all, it is a restaurant with a lot of old school charm, but I really think they could clear out a good number of tables and still not destroy their bottom line.

Our waiter was one of those boisterous congenial types that people tend to shower with money. He's also, obviously been using his tip money to eat way too much of the rich food on his breaks. He was a big boy, and as I said above, there was not a lot of room for big boy to actually do his job. He was obviously busy, and while I was sympathetic that "St. Elmo's had done 72% of the Devour Downtown business" and he had worked 14 days without a day off, it really doesn't make it okay that I had drank my Rum & Diet and eaten all the ice before I was offered another one.

The food was pretty good. St. Elmo's is known for it's shrimp cocktail, which is nose clearingly heavy on the horseradish. For this menu, you only got three shrimp, which is fine since it is a limited menu. If you did not get the cocktail, then you had the option of your standard house salad. The main course gave you the option of steak, salmon, or chicken. I love fish. So, I opted to get the salmon, but 30 minutes into waiting for our meal, the big boy waiter shimmied back to our table to tell me that they were out of salmon. Oy! So, I opted for the chicken, which turned out to be Old Country Buffet style at best, and the veggies probably came from a giant vat complete with Lunch Lady Doris. The dessert options were between creme brulee or chocolate cake. The chocolate cake looked like it had just come off the Sysco truck, and the creme brulee, which turned out to be quite good, was really only about a third of what you would get with in a normal portion.

To top off the night, I needed to go to the restroom, and while I was doing my business at the urinal, I almost got peed on by a drunk, who was too busy unzipping himself to realize I was standing there. Thankfully, he caught himself, and was still cackling out loud in the stall, when I left. Yeah, that was funny, drunk ass....

All in all, I get that St. Elmo's is an institution, but I think they are coasting a bit on their history. I realize we were all eating from the $30 menu, but it seems to me they should being trying at least put a little bit of effort into it. I could have spent less than $10 at White Castle and gotten more food and better service. This is not to say that I wouldn't take someone from out of town there, because it is still something uniquely Indy, but I can't say I will be going out of my way to go there again.


St. Elmo Steak House
127 S. Illinois St.
Indianapolis, IN. 46225
Phone: 317.635.0636
Fax: 317.687.9162
http://www.stelmos.com/

En casa en LaHacienda

As I mentioned in my personal blog, I tried a new restaurant Sunday afternoon. I wound up at LaHacienda after a failed attempt to get service at Buffalo Wild Wings at Washington Square Mall. I was seated and waited a full 15 minutes with only one person strolling by to say, "someone will be with you shortly." I'm disappointed at myself for not stopping and asking to see the manager. I worked in the service industry for about 5 years and have come to expect better than excellent service from my wait staff. When I receive it, I definitely tip my servers well and when I don't, they are made aware of my dissatisfaction. I'm not a bitch about it, it's just reflected in the tip I leave. On to the review.

LaHacienda appears to be a semi-local chain in Indiana with four locations in Indy and one in Muncie. I say "appears to be" because I've been to other cities with Mexican restaurants called LaHacienda...seems to be a pretty popular name.

I make no secret of the fact that I'm of mixed heritage and apparently my features and olive complexion lead people of Latino/Hispano/Mexican descent to believe that I'm one of them. The hostess greeted me in Spanish and when I responded in English, "one please, a booth if available," she responded, "yes, sir...right this way, please." The hostess informed me that Felix would be with me shortly and as she walked a way, a member of the floor staff appeared with a bowl of warm, crispy corn tortillas chips and two types of salsa, one mild and one medium. The salsas were both full-bodied and while the medium was spicy, the heat did not overpower the flavor. The chips were salted perfectly and had Alain been with me, he wouldn't have had to add extra (but probably would have anyway).

Felix appeared and greeted me in Spanish and when I responded in English, he understood. Of the 10 appetizers on the menu, I decided on the Chori Queso for $5.25. The queso is white Mexican cheese, definitely not the typical Velveeta orange you see on the shelves of your local grocer. It was creamy and mixed with bell peppers and onions and topped with chorizo sausage. Served with warm flour tortillas, it was a wonderful start to the meal. Chorizo is, unfortunately a greasy sausage so there was some run-off that turned my stomach for a minute, but I just stirred it all up. Problem solved.

While waiting for my entree, I noticed the decor. Truly traditional Mexican accoutrements down to the red, white and green flag swags draped on the walls and the pinatas and stars hanging from the ceiling. The only thing that would have enhanced my dining experience would have been jarabe tapatio or the Mexican Hat Dance.

The menu is quite large and somewhat intimidating with the various combinations, Hacienda Specialties and Mexican Specialties, but I decided on the Enchiladas Hacienda for $7.00. You get two corn tortilla enchiladas stuffed with cheese & chicken topped with rancho sauce, guacamole, sour cream & lettuce and served with rice & beans. It was very flavorful and once again, the spices were not overpowered by the heat. My entree arrived about 15 minutes after my appetizer so it was perfectly timed.

I wish I had thought about ordering a margarita so I could provide a bar review. They do have a fully-stocked bar with at least mid-level top shelf alcohols. It also appeared they have a full menu of domestic and imported beers and the menu boasts strawberry, pina colada, mango, peach & guava non-alcoholic smoothies for $2.50.

I really did receive so much food that I couldn't finish it all. While I was wiping my mouth, one of the managers walked by and greeted me in Spanish and I understood enough to realize that he asked me if everything was good. I told him (in English) that everything was very tasty and the service was great. Felix appeared a couple of minutes later and asked if I needed anything boxed up to go. I told him no and was pleased to see that the dishes went right into a bus tub. I've been to too many restaurants where I've seen food going right back into the kitchen and that always makes me kind of nervous.

So we've decided to use a flame system (one to four) for our reviews of the following aspects of our dining experience:



Buffalo Wild Wings lost my business, but as a result I found a quaint little gema mexicana practically in my backyard. I've also decided to take up Spanish. :-)

10202 East Washington Street - 317.897.1530
3874 Lafayette Road - 317.290.0755
6825 Graham Road/71st & SR 37 - 317.577.2689
12237 North Meridian Street (Carmel) - 317.566.9563
2620 South Madison Street (Muncie) - 765.289.0909