Blu Martini

"Daddy always says, 'an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.'" Shelby Eatenton Latcherie

pre·ten·sion
Pronunciation: \pri-'ten(t)-shun\
Function: noun
Date: 15th century
1: an allegation of doubtful value
2: a claim or an effort to establish a claim
3: a claim or right to attention or honor because of merit
4: an aspiration or intention that may or may not reach fulfillment

I'm not sure where to go with this. I really want to write a scathing review about Blu Martini, but what I dislike about the place has absolutely nothing to do with the staff, the decor, the food, the drinks or the location. Okay, let's try this:

This past Thursday Blanche, our buddy Ennis and I all went to Blu Martini. The bar is located on the northside of Indianapolis. It sits at the end of a strip mall, and the exterior does a fab job of hiding what's actually inside. The decor is modern minimal with white (p)leather chairs that remind me of the shape of martini and highball glasses. Given the name of the bar, it's only appropriate that the owners chose to provide back lighting in blue. The lighting lends to an overall atmosphere of flattering light for the made-up, garishly dressed, stretched, stitched, filled, plumped and botoxed.

As the picture provided would indicate, the bar is fully stocked with most top-shelf liquors. As the name also indicates, the bar does specialize in a wide variety of martinis. This visit being my first, I decided to sample the namesake offering, the Blu(e) Martini. The Blu Martini is a martini in name only. It's actually made from Jose Classico tequila, blue curacao and lemon zest. It's full-bodied, not too sweet and with three you get tingle. This is not a picture of a Blu Martini Blu Martini:
The average cost of a martini is $6, but the VIPtinis can go as high as $18.

The owners have decided to provide a food-based happy hour during the week and as a result, sushi is half-price from 5:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. The only downside to the offering is the fact that most people arrive early with drinking intentions and at the last minute decide to order half-priced sushi. As a result, if you wait until 6:45 to place your order, you'll need to expect to wait at least half an hour for your food to arrive. If you're enjoying a leisurely evening, you'll be fine, but if you get there hungry, you'll be disappointed; our server (who bore an unCANNY resemblance to Lucy Liu) advised us that the sushi chef was overwhelmed. Maybe they should hire some Mexicans to help him roll and kick the orders out faster. Blanche and I both selected the Blu Martini sushi appetizer. It's 8 large pieces of crabmeat, cream cheese, avacado, cucumber and spicy sauce. It was tasty and didn't require much wasabi or soy sauce. I was perfectly content with the pickled ginger, there just wasn't enough. This offering is normally $12, but we took advantage of the half-price special...for the mathematically challenged, that means it was $6. This is actually a picture of a sampler, but the rolls in the middle are the Blu Marti sushi:
The presentation was beautiful, but given how busy the sushi chef was, the preparation suffered. The rolls were not wrapped as tightly as I would have preferred and as a result, they fell apart as I tried to eat them. This won't prevent me from eating there again, just offering that as an observation.

Now on to the entertainment. When I go to a bar, I take into consideration the type of entertainment that will be available. I know that I can find karaoke most nights of the week; I know that on some nights, I'll find drag queens and on others, strippers. Sometimes, I'll even look for live bands or guest DJs. At Blu Martini, what I found most entertaining were the patrons. I think this was the first time I'd been to a bar on the far northside of Indy.

What I found were about 300 people basking in the glow of their own fabulousness. I'd say the average age was about 38. They were plucked, preened, bronzed, buffed and tucked. A few of the men wore expensive but poorly tailored suits...if you're going to invest in an Armani, at least make sure it fits properly, people! Most men seemed to be wearing jeans and I saw Lucky, True Religion, Calvin Klein, Perry Ellis and even a pair of Eddie Bauer *gasp*. I saw a lot of vintage tees, some cute sweaters and the ever-popular, jacket/dress shirt combo. Most of the guys did a pretty good job of dressing age-appropriate and really just maintained while they were there.

The women, on the other hand...oy vey! I saw every extreme imaginable in color, height and heft. And I'm just talking about hair. No offense to any of my girls reading this, but sincerely...what do str8 women think when they're getting ready for a night out? Glitter mascara? Fringed jean skirts? Leg warmers? Sequined tops and jeans? My favorite look of the night (and I SWEAR I wish I had a picture of this) was as follows: Black long sleeve t-shirt...dark wash, frayed denim mini...black tights...and a pair of furry ankle boots. Imagine taking two white Lhasa Apsos, shoving a foot up the ass of each and walking around with them on your feet and you can kinda get the image.
She thought she was the shit, but all I could do was giggle and feel bad for those poor puppies each time she walked by...she walked by a LOT!

If you ever go to Indy.com, you'll see several pictures from Blu Martini. The Party Crasher photographer was there (in all his tacky, Tommy Bahama-clad glory...Tommy Bahama, the muu-muu for men), but wanted absolutely nothing to do with us. It was entertaining to watch Blanche and Ennis sit up in their chairs and engage each other in conversation in an attempt to look interesting and approachable to "get they pitcha took," but it was to no avail. The photographer walked in front of, behind, around and over our little group to snap the photos of the entitled surrounding us.

The highlight of the evening for me was seeing a Carmel mom primping for the Party Crasher. She was holding a glass of chardonnay and dropped it while flipping her hair. When it hit the ground, she looked at us. We didn't blink or give two shits, but she felt compelled to engage us in conversation..."you didn't even LOOK when I dropped that! What's wrong with you? I did it on purpose, by the way...I'm Jewish, we smash glasses like that." Oh, the plight of the Carmel mom...so misunderstood, undersatisfied and attention starved. Again, makes me giggle.

So, I really did enjoy my time at Blu Martini. I love the decor and the atmosphere. The food is tasty and I'll definitely try other menu offerings on future visits. The martinis, while pricey, give you bang for your buck. The staff are friendly enough and as attentive as they can be given the crowd. Last but not least, I have an appreciation for a good floor show with dinner and drinks, and the patrons definitely provided that; and at no cost to the owners! Bravo!



Blu Martini
4705 East 96th Street
(96th & Gray Road)
Indianapolis, IN 46240
317.566.8650